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Updated every Dec 24 !!-
Jan 1 2002
..... Here we are folks, into a new year and it's the same ol' story - warm up in Micka's, a blast of Frankie, Marce amhain agas Marce eile,back to Doggie & Fionnulagh's to finish off the honey roast ham, and a sing along with Barry von Trapp, Dav von Trapp, Skall von Trapp, Motty von Trapp, Housewife of the Year von Trapp, Bazz von Trapp and all the other von Trapp family singers........elbows free from injury this year as we meet the milkman on the way home, welcome to 2002 - sooper dooper......Jan 02....As the pint reaches €2.90 (to make it easier for the clientele!) Lord and Lady Davidson have the pleasure of inviting you to a celebration on this Friday at 2100 hours at Pillars, Westbourne Place, for an evening of partying and debauchery.  Finger food will be served along with copious amounts of liquid.  Event to be announced............Jan 04......Jane Dav celebrates 1951 with a lavish spread, a full house and the 248th reunion of the Night Owls, who rock the joint, again, in front of their No.1 fan Ming the Merciless......Jan 11....Due to repeated complaints, murmurings, mutterings, whispers, nudge nudges, wink winks and other assorted verbal drivel the webmaster (i.e. me and other drunken miscreants) have decided to bestow a monthly  award on some lucky person / place / region / crotch  area / counter / hairpiece / takeaway / brothel / song / statement / mistiming / or any other important event.  Award winners shall receive Pride of Place on the website, the 'I wish I didn't do that' award from the clientele of the bar and last, but not least, a kick up the arse for being soooooooo stupid.  If you have a nomination please forward to wankerofthemonth@eircom.net and we will treat your suggestion with the attention it deserves!!!!. Jan 12...An unusually high amount of wankers seen in a certain estblishment for the Munster/Castres match - must have been the stew & big sauages he was offering (not forgetting Smond and his Thai (thigh) the night before!!!!.Jan 14... Rumour (and I stress rumour) has it that our esteemed barman has ordered escargot and Chateau Neuf du Pape as complimentaries for the Munster V Stade Francais Q/F. Jan 22...Don't forget folks, nominations for the first monthly award of 2002 will be announced shortly - nominations can be sent to wankerofthemonth@eircom.net  All correspondence will be treated with the utmost secrecy!........Jan 24....The Landlord and Landlady return from Pareee having celebrated Mrs. Carlos' birthday.  Having respect for the woman, we won't mention what age she was but in france they would say she was 'Le grand cinq-0' while in Ballyferriter they would say she was 'caoga'..Not forgetting the regulars (Love Potion No. 9 was written by Leiber-Stoller)[take note Barry and Mawtin!]....Jan 25.....Word has it that a certain Sean & Caroline Brooks have finally bought a computer and has even got an email address in the good ol' U S of A.  Now all we have to do is find out what it is.......Meanwhile back on the ranch on a Friday night, lots of regulars missing for the ritual - registered letters have been sent to Jane Dav (sickness is no excuse!), Joe Smond (I'm Goin' to Cobh!), the Bowler (I'm a beatin' doggie),  Doggie (I'm a beatin Bowler!), Mirs (I don't smoke), John Dav (I'm goin' home to Jane), the Bucks (I'm tired lads, but Liz is there to answer your queries!),and last, but not least, LICHIE (where the fork are you, ya Waterford Bollix ya,) ... Oh, and by the way, 'Love Potion No. 9'........Jan 28....Best wishes to Marcus Carlos who begins his adventure of working abroad tomorrow as he sets out for Holland, watch out for them funny biscuits.......Jan 29.....Congrats go out to Bawwy O Mahni on breaking my long held record of repetitve sentences while under the influence.  Congrats Bar, well deserved....Congrats go out to Bawwy O Mahni on breaking my long held record of repetitve sentences while under the influence. Nice one Bar, well done.Congrats go out to Bawwy O Mahni on breaking my long held record of repetitve sentences while under the influence......Feb 1.....Well, somebody has to accept and be the proud owner of the first wankerofthemonth@eircom.net award and the winner is JOHNNY HUDSON...try scrolling down the side of the web page John ((maaybe some IT supremo can show you how to scroll!!!)......Meanwhile the Friday night tour ventures into the unknown and visits John Joes where the natives offer us food........Feb 09.....Thr landlord and landlady don the dickie bow and jewellery and head to the Crawlers Ball - so much for the infamous quote "you wouldn't catch me going to that with all them lickasses downtown".  Lichie produces a twety punt note to further irritate Micka while the Friday night tour (with guest appearance by the Wanker of the Month) sees a record crowd get as far as the first stop only and the Three Tonners make their first public appearance....Feb 11....Votes are already flying in for the second Wanker of the Month (send your nomination to wankerofthemonth@eircom.net) and this looks like a foregone conclusion,even at this early stage. ...Feb 12....hard hat is gone off the back shelf now, Noel.  Apologies for upsetting you.......Feb 15... hey Justin, I was only joking........ There's The Boring, now meet The Boringer........Feb 16....Sandwiches and sausages (!) galore as the Irish are subdued by the Brit ruggerbuggers.....Feb 18...Rumours of a trip to Galway grow in strength as a member of the hierarchy is known to be checking the venue soon.......Feb 22...The Friday feelings reach a low point as Aon focal, dha focal proves too much to handle......The hockey food goes down well, though, while the Three Tonners (Slim, Slimmer and Shadow) make a brief appearance......Feb 23.....Orilia Tce is is almost choc-a-bloc with non-resident vehicles abandoned from the night before.....Feb 23..After a stunning gig by Martin Hayes and Dennis Cahill last week Sirius bring Mick Hanly back to Cobh in early April, while, for the more refind people out ther, the Hugo Wolfe String Quartet give a recital there before Paddy's weekend......Mar 01....The award winner for February's WankeroftheMonth is the bartender himself, Micka.  Having, over the years, refused tickets, bribes, threats and promises he finally succumbed this year and donned his dicky bow and presented himself at the Crawler's Ball...Mar 10....And the Lord said 'Let there be light' and Lichie could see, again...Mar 14.. One must not disappear for Paddy's weekend before congratulating Mr John Davs on being promoted to the egg and a half brigade and is still celebrating......Enjoy your weekend folks, I'm off to Clonakilty and Mossy Shanly's bar....Mar 18....Plenty of celebration as Pirates capture Munster Challenge Cup against the more fancied Kilfeacle...Meanwhile the Great Island contingent return from a challenging weekend at the West Cork Rally with tales of the Ho Kee Chinese restaurant ( TWO hours after ordring, we were still waiting), Sicks play the corner in Shanly's after receiving a hero's return, The Emmet Hotel sees Brendan Shine & Keith Moon in full flight as JC makes eyes at the birthday girl, we get real food in the HQ as the staff hide our belongings.....One of the more memorable ones. And how was your weekend? ..Mar 22....Next Thursday  is Friday!  Rock on ye catholics...The Friday night enyourage is left to two tonners who bravely head to Cobh to sample some bevvies ....Mar 24...Greetings to Paul Barry down under who is looking for more news and complains of infrequent updates.....Pirates go down 17-0 to Thomond, their more illustrious AIL second division visitors, in the Munster Senior Cup.....Mar twentysomethinth..Jeez, these Katlix have an awful lot to answer for, bringing us out on a Thursday instead of this Wholeeeee Friday thing - they shut the pubs and the banks, but keep the shops and churches open..money grabbers unite!... roll on the altar boy orgy. Rock on ye catholics.... Thanx for the lift home Mick.......Good Friday....The pub is closed, lads......the only drink ye'll get today is takin' the bread & wine thing (y'know body of kryste, blud uv kryste, etc., etc.,) BTW try the CPRW
FC if you're really stuck for the black stuff....A ship full of Mount Whitney Heustons arrive with Dave on board....welcome to Oireland .......begorrah.....nice chain Mrs C. .....ALERT....Please be warned that  a visitor from the USS Mount Whitney Heuston has come across this webpage (!) and will be seeking us out over the weekend.  Please do not point me out to him, if you do I will make your life hell for the next eleven and a half months...And on a completely different subject the March WotM seems to be heading to the Ho Kee in Clonakilty unless there are any more suggestions....Mar 31....Nominations are now closed for the WotM award for March.  This month has proved to be a close call and a special meeting of the jury had to be called to decide the winner.  As soon as I can remember what was decided, I will leave you all know.....To Dave and all on the USS Mount Whitney Heuston, sorry we kept missing each other over the weekend but glad ye enjoyed the 'hospitality'.  Catch ye next time, or even sooner!....Apr 1..Day off.....April 2....Walk into the bar for a quiet quart at tea time and find the BBC Ticknock correspondent and Motty tuning the axes for a session, the first three chords cleared the table........After a close call the March Wanker of the Month award goes to the Pirates laundry man who, just before the start of the match in Skibbereen, opened the kitbag to find the colours of the local GAA team instead - JC take a bow......A close second had to be the Hoo Kee restaurant in Clon.......April 5....Rugby wankers invade the Friday evening meet as the touring medical students start their annual 'who can drink the most without getting the gawks' tour.  At least they came dressed for the occasion........April 6....Two televised rugby matches take their toll as wankers galore strut their feathers whi=le the roving correspondent asks inane questions........April 11...Rumour has it that the Wednesday night sesh is about to see the introduction of an electronic percussion type box, keep music live boys - that's what I always say!!...April 12..Thursday nearly becomes a Friday as the thirst gets the better of some and even the Dogster doesn't venture to Carrigaline and Hank graces us with her presence for a fleeting moment. Meanwhile Me Mo leaves the front door, the side door and the safe door open, stop tickling me......April 13...Guffaws galore as the CPRWFC have their dinner (!) dance in the local grease pit, attracting numerous wancéirs to boogie to the dulcet tones of The Hookers...April 22...Hopefully we should be back in the groove now again. Apologies for being missing, but the ol' PC had to sandblasted and when it returned it refused to recognise the saved webpages so I had to download it from the web etc etc.  Anyway what has the page missed over the last 9 ays or so - we can't mention the CPRWFC dinner dance until the court cases are fi=nished, but we can mention a rare try by Shay to win the Kelly Cup yesterday. Speaking of Kelly's, the new establishment raises good reports 'cept for the spacious loos!... The fundraiser last Friday night saw the Night Owls in top form, again, aided and abetted by a guest appearance from Prince Magoo on backing vocals.  Meanwhile Lichie and offspring celebrate their birthdays with a tennis bash this weekend, you know where I'll be Lichie........Speaking of motors, we can't leave without mentioning Smondie's wheels, can we?...Apr 23.....It's handbags at twelve paces folks as 'Deliverance' comes to the Donkey and Duelling Banjos hurl unmentionable abuse at each other.....Apr 24....Page is going on holidays for a week, so I'll see you when I get glasses, in the meantime happy birthday Lichie and rock on Frank Sinatra ...Greetings to Paddy O & Kay Bob (& Ron & Tom & Mike & Tall Paul etc).....May 01.... The WotM for April sees joint winners for the first time.  By overwhelming majority Duelling Banjos, aka Battle of the Bands, a=re the proud recipients of this months award....May 02.....Unfortunately missed Liche and offspring's birthday bash, but rumour has it that a good time as had by all, specially Smond and his g string...Hey John, what time is it?...May 03...Another birthday as Micka almost gets away with it....May 05....Due to repeated requests for info on the recent Great Island Experience to the GP, we hereby publish pics of one of our more distinguished community members enjoying the sights.  Just click here ......May 09...Is life more interesting than Renters on one side and the Talking Clock on the other - Stereo supreme!!...... then woe of woes comes a contingent of bankers, yes bankers.....May 16....Don't forget to cast your vote tomorrow folks and we'll try to get a couple of letters after Mully's name again......Meanwhile the 50 year old continues his sojourn in the land of frog eaters, while we warm up with the 'Bookil with the boogaloo drum'........May 17....Election Day takes its toll as discussion centres on who was given the No. 2 vote.  The weary= Friday nighters eventually make the comforting surroundings having fought off bribes of Clonakilty Pudding in Kellys, sloppy pints in the Tit, Chanel in Mans Fords and Wanderers in Jack Donnachies.  However we were still pi**ed enough to sheepishly order a pint from Micka well before the thespians did......May 19...Lichie heads off as Frances returns, 'good to be Broc, it's good to be Broc'.......May 23...Hello to Marcus in the Netherlands and Shaney Boy in Deutchland..............May 24....The usual Friday tour, sans Lichie, takes in the usual haunts and collects the weekly fine for b & w w at Kellys.....Slobodan tries to evade us but we wouldn't allow it.........May 30.....Longweekitis sets in as Lichies F in law joins the Friday proceedings and quickly realises that he is not capable, his son in law comes to the same conclusion soon afterwards......this, despite the fact that an upgraded, toilet facility has been provided in the gents - Wa wa's wee wees...............last , but not least, I promised the Pipe that I wouldn't mention his impeccably ironed shirt.....Jun 06.....Just for the time that's in it folks, we have a little coloured background for ye just to prove that the game aint over til the fat lady sings......Mrs Carlos celebrates by feeding the masses with a little help from Kev & Marie, what's on the menu for Tuesday?.....Jun08, ..Some strange tales beginning to surface from last week, but, as always we will not mention them here - 'specially the one about JC and the smiling Tom Cat (the lesson being 'never try to kick a Tom cat when (i) there is a large flower pot nearby (ii) you're in your bare feet and (iii) copious amounts of alcohol are on board .....Jun 09, ...Mr & Mrs Landlord head off to Portugal for a break....I wonder if I can get hold of his diary this year?  ..Jun 10, .Another national holiday tomorrow as the country prepares to get another dose of WorldCupitis as the might of Saudi Arabia awaits....Jun 11, ....Kev & Marie do the sandwiches again as Nickie does the bacon & sausages for the match as Ireland take care of the Saudis and meet Spain on Sunday.  Any excuse.......Jun 13..... Nice loo – shame about the piping…and the junction box.….and the wiring…and the hot water….and the bolt on the door…..and the soap dispenser…..and the wet floor…nice slapdash of paint on the wall, though…...Jun 14…..Various misunderstandings determine that the usual Friday tour is misshapen, but drunkedeness eventually wins over and the usual moppers are reunited to waffle, bullshit, reminisce, cajole, mock and eventually laugh at each other – at the same time.  Roll on Sunday, the Spannies, the rashers and the sausages – all bloodless (bar the Danish rasher, of course)…..Jun 14 (late)…. Earth calling Olga...Jun 15…..Anybody upriver (or downriver) on the Shannon over the coming days please make way for the 'Smoke on the Water Tour 2002' with Vice Admiral Johndav and Rear Admiral Dogster (and their comely wenches) navigating their way through troubled waters!!!!!..Jun 16…Organisations run organisations...managers manage....players play.  You don't need me, RTE, ITV, BBC, Roy Keane's dog or anybody else to tell you that it was a chest bursting display.  Have you ever seen an Ireland team play like that?  Ireland, Ireland, Republic of Ireland,    Rev 'em up and here we go....... Least we forget a humongous amount of appreciation, credit and thanks is due to Nikki and Mikey, send the ol' man away more often!!......Jul 04…Time flies etc etc.  Marcus comes home for the festeeeval while the Irish Open winner can't get into the Tit, will they ever cop on?  Barry gets the stretch limo treatment and enjoys Fota.  Meanwhile that Friday feeling starts on Tuesday which ruins Magoo's night, the good news being that Friday is on us again.  Clonakilty pudding and the sausages in Kelly's again? ......Jul 13...Our thoughts and prayers are with Olga Bolga at this time.... A delightful Micka receives the award for the best Irsh music pub (or something like that)....The Friday tour dwindles to two, but Barry (windy or wha') and myself finally call a halt at about five past...Jul 17..The following is a piece of text from  http://www.irishmusicbars.com ..The music sessions here are a great success and there's always a good selection of local and visiting clientele, making this the perfect respite for those interested in having some fun for The R*****g D****y is certainly a memorable experience.  The interior is attractively laid out with hanging brass jugs over the warm timber L-shaped bar, antique wall clock and a marvellous collection of sporting caricatures adorning the wood-panelled walls. The atmosphere is one of country comfort with low ceilings, plenty of good comfortable pewed seating, partially stripped stone wall and a large open hearth fireplace. Definitely the undisputed champion of Cobh when it comes to drink, music and craic, for this is the antithesis of the trendy stylish bar and its marvellous musicians make it the hub of the town's traditional scene with live music late into the night..If you know where this den of vice is please warn your children....Jul 24..'ey Lich, go' a new mo'or.......Jul 25...Don't forget Clive Barnes tonight at Sirius for a piece of serious lap slide.....Jul 30..Tuesday nearly becomes a Friday as some of the regulars are seen in Cobh while the Cambridge man is seen in the company of tourists as he brings them on a HudsTour i.e. one pint in two establishments...Future fundraising thingies include Sirius next Saturday night at the Tit, BBQ, music & wine.  Thursday the 8th sees an audio type quiz in the Donkey in aid of Rushbrooke Rowing Club...Aug 01....Meanwhile, on campus, Shay takes time off work to take in the sounds of the carillion.  An avid music fan, Shay is regularly enthralled at the sound eminating from the carillion.  Sounds like a load of old bells to me...Aug 07......It has been brought to my attention that non-nationals (i.e. tourists) paid a visit to the hostelry last night to see if the place actually existed.  Having come across this amusing(!) site while browsin the WWW thet thought it was a set up and no real life venue could actually accommodate such a pack of miscreants and self abusers as ourselves..now they know!!!!.Aug 08..And they came back for the music..Aug 14... Alas it is with some regret that I have to announce the inaugural Wanker of the Month Award is temporarily suspended due to a withdrawal of sponsorship.  In a brief statement, it was announced that the promised financial package was now unavailable due to the current economic downturn.  Not to ne outdone, talks are already ongoing with a new interested backer and details should be announced soon.  Nominations are still being accepted and, as usual, can be forwarded here.....Aug 16...A smaller than usuual mob do the Friday crawl as Lichie goes bonding while Hung lika a Horse heads for Doolin as Johnny Huds sneaks in the back door.     Micka, meantime, slums it with the lowlife.....Aug 24....We say a very well done to the One Tonner who ventured alone last night and lasted 'til all hours.  With Lichie in Italy, Hung Like a Horse spending time with the beautiful people, the Bowler dining out, myself in Myrtleville and the Dogster all at sea, The Dav did not leave the side down and made it to the end without a hair out of place.....Aug 24..We must mention all members of Rushbrooke Rowing Club who returned from the All-Irelands with a gold and a bronze and we look forward to their coming seasons...We'll say nowt 'bout the chester cake and the cangles.............Sep 06....The Múinteoir joins the Friday crack as the sunken ship gets a visit and we annoy the Clarewoman.  Rumblings of a CD make an appearance in the guestbook and Magoo prepares to fly....Sep 09...Even Paddy from NC gets in on the guestbook, how's tings in Ticknock PeeHead?...Sep 10...and the touring Pirate works up a thirst....Sep 13....Friday 13 sees the old fogies goe back to the sixties and the hungry man goes lookin' for fish & chips..........Sep 16......Le Bowleur returns from France sans bathroom fittings while Magoo laps it up in Barcelona with Eddie Jordan.......Sep 21...With the promise of good music, food and a bit of craic the Friday feeling finished up in the Donks last night.  Any chance of the same next week, Micka.  Oh and a heartiest congrats to Paul and Kate on the engagement, we knew the barman didn't lay on the food and the music!!!! .Oct 28...Back to normal, almost..Hope the long weekend has treated you well and late night phonecalls from inebriated women didn't play any part of it.  Well, so much has happened since the last update that I won't bother mentioning most of it but some of the highlights include Ducie & Karens wedding (alas which I missed), the announcement of Lichies second tour to the Banner, a gotcha for yours truly, the wolf and his dog and the W**kers Fancy Dress.  And whoever left a composition in the guestbook might translate it to English for the rest of us.  I see the hits on the site are approaching 15,000 - have ye nuttin' else to be doin,?? Ciao baby.....Oct 30...For those of you who don't know the renowned building of Joe Smond in Crosshaven has been sold on and refurbished, a minutes silence please...Dec 08....Hadn't realised I'd been away this long!  Having been released from the monastery the page should, slowly, return to its inane ramblings and utterly uninformative mutterings - almost like the guest page.  For those of you who don't know the annual Ticknock Christmas bash takes place next Saturday night, the 14th.  As usual entry to this prestigious event is by gift wrapped pressie for boy/girl, or failure to donate a gift will result in a sever financial penalty.  Your donations are always welcome.  On a less serious note, Pirates are running a Treasure Hunt on Saturday Dec 28th ( I think) and a fun time is guaranteed (bring a torch!!!!).  Good to see young Marcus home for a while.  And a big hello to Hank and Mickey, hope all is going very well....Dec 10 POPSTARS D'RIVALS....coming to a pub near you!  Yes folks, the excitement is building as the Annual Ticksgiving festival draws close.  Popsters from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and naughties will throng the venue in this yearly showing of gross immaturity and misbehaviour.  For those of you not sure of what popster you resemble, Angie Ska will point you in the right direction.........Dec 12Hey, this page don't want to be boasting or anything like but, I got an urgent call this a.m. from a fine woman who had just given birth to a Luke Bernard Quellars....... Nice one Sinéad, nice one...... and thanx for the updates......See ya soon.....Dec 13.No Bankers in this pub tonight!!!!!ain't that right , Boring?!!¬!.Dec 14...Jeez, make an effort, folks.....pics to follow......Dec 15....Such entertainment.  Masses of stars turned out for the annual Ticksgiving event with The Night Owls joined on stage by members of Village People, Motty Parton, Van McGoey and the mighty Ming!  All this and a visit from the guards as well!!  Some pics here...Dec 18...More pics now added here......Dec19.....Alas the Christmas party of the New Millenium had to be deferred due to illness (get well soon, Van) so we had a Chinese instead!!  HELLO TO ANN MARIE DAV somewhere in Australia....Where's my tree????  Tell all your new found Bruces and Sheilas that there's a pic of daddy here...or for a REAL close up try here...Dec 23...Spearman Inc. has a humongous celebration including an impressive meal in Jayo's, plenty of Gordon's and a bottle of cider for the brat!!! (not forgetting the impressive Abi, surely the youngest to grace the back room and the welcome return of Dinny McGrath).......DEC 24.....We only pisstake on this page for 364 days of the year, just as well tomorrow is my day off!  Wishing EVERYBODY  the very best over the festive season.  A special HC to Jack, Ester & Ethel, to Pricka & family, PeeHead and KayBob, Tom & Penny, Har & Ted, Dick, Mr. Ron Shuffler, closet fan Mark Murphy, Olga's leather pants, Hank, Mickey (+brat) & Victor, Mr & Mrs Mouse, June, Anne Sull, Mr. Michael Harrell, Jim Bob, Michael in Thomastown, Fred & Ann in Chicago, the bookil with the boogaloo drum, Kieran & Cris, the RLT&GC, 'I luv ya baby', Joe Strummer, Shane, Paddy, Jack C & Helen, Dasher, Mr C,  my own Moll, Boss, Batty & Peter, Mickey Joe, Moo & Dave, Órla & Ronan,  and not forgetting all those that I've forgotten about... ......DEC 28.....Don't forget Pirates Treasure Hunt today at 2.30....

.Dec 31....Until next year, folks, Happy New Year etc and see ye in 2003 with a new page and old gossip...........

 

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