and a mighty HO HO HO from all at the Donkey  
last updated 23.59 on Dec 31, 2000
Current Donkey page here
Please note that all characters mentioned in this page are purely fictional.  Any resemblance to any person, living, dead or humourless is purely coincidental......
31 Dec As another year draws to a close in our friendly hostelry, we should take time to reflect on the past twelve months.  We should, but we won't bother.  Happy New Year to all........ 28 Dec At approx 2340 hours General Mully left the safe sanctuary of Fort Donkey to go on a foot patrol in the general direction of the main garrison to the South.  Shortly after his departure he was viciously attacked by a battalion of snowball wielding youths, one particularly accurate shot reportedly hitting him in the back of the head. (cowardly bastards). The General beat a hasty retreat and on his return the the safety of Fort Donkey he summoned the reinforcements with the battle cry "c'mere I want ye". Without even asking the reason for this sudden interruption to their drinking, they shot out the door not even waiting to don suitable protective clothing to ward off the bitter cold outside. The brave reinforcements consisted of Rear Admiral Hally, commander in chief of the Second Fleet, Captain Wally of the northern forces and, representing the ANZAC forces, Brigadier Neville who happened to be on a courtesy visit following a long voyage from the Bay of Pigs.  Being met with threats of  ' you can't touch me boy or I'll sue ya' , the lads said 'f**k you, say hello to my forehead' and proceeded to show them manners.  Periodic reports arrived back of how a pitch battle raged at Berties Corner and despite the might of the allied troops the unruly bunch of teenagers were putting up a good fight. Coach Carlos, of the Pirate ship Goolygrabber, was so impressed that he wondered about their availability for training!. After what seemed an interminable wait the battle weary heroes returned to Fort Donkey and all we heard was "we kicked ass, we saved Mully's ass", etc. The troops were congratulated by all present with words of praise such as "what a shower of bullies, poor kids can't throw a few snowballs without being attacked".  The troops finished their drinks and then, once again dressed for battle, headed out into the night. God help the next poor unfortunate f**ker who dares to pick up a snowball against the might of the Donkey drinker.  25 Dec A big ho ho ho to Frankie Burke in the US of A, to Pee Head, Kay Bob, Ron, Tom & Penny, BBC James, Scotland Paul, the pilot in Passage, Joan Casey in Wicklow, Alfred & Margaret Rider in Canada, Jane Simmonds, the list is endless........ 22 Dec Keep on rockin' in a free world.........Where else can you get free music (courtesy of Barry O Mahony, Jim Wilson, John Crone and Martin Dowell) played endlessly, with a wee encore form the Swing Billies, that raises £453.74 and collects 65 presents, all of which have been forwarded to local charities.  Pledges on the night were £300 to Aontas and £200 to Cobh Youth Services.  The Eddie Doyle Memorial Award was presented to Johnny B. for having the insight and the sickness recommened to be part of the original Ticksetup........ nice one Donkey (again), nice one..& a HJ for the BB from the SCW.....22 Dec News has just come to hand (sic) on the birth of a dotey little child to Mouse & Sinead, my apologies for not congratulating you earlier.  If she turns out to be half as nice, cordial, friendly, and as good a pint drinker as her grandmother's daughter, Jeez lads we're in for trouble !!!! Ye deserve more than the very best...20 Dec Some mighty pre Christmas music tonight with the Barrs in full flight.15 Dec  OK   Enough is enough.  Due to public pressure TICKSGIVING returns with a vengence next Friday.  It being the season to be jolly, and all that shyte, entrance to the establishment from 5pm next Friday evening will be by wrapped child's presesnt or a IR£2 (cash only) cover charge.  We already have commitments, in one form or another, from Mr. Michael Carlos, ProsCon, the Rt. Hon. John Mansford, John Dav.  Music by the Barry O Mahony All Stars. Watch this space...........11 Dec Sur' there's no point in giving ye info on what's happenin' in any other pub in town, I mean we all know it's Christmas and all that shite and one can go to the Tit and get free food but not for the likes of us in the Donk, unless you eant alt an' vinegar, or cheese & onion  08 Dec Seeing that we're coming to the end of the year, this page will change soon, so make sure if your name isn't mentioned, please do something to earn your place on the page (which has a 48% bigger readership on the Isle of Aran than the Irish Examiner & Irish Times combined[source BBa Dec 2, 2000])    07 Dec It's getting a small bit out of hand now, folks.  I'm getting more hits on this site than customers in the bar...Micka wants to know if you can order a pint online......  30 Nov I don't want to get into E-commerce or anythin' like that, or turn this page into an ads page but Richie O Connor, who as ye may well know has changed jobs lately, has got himself a nice little sideline and is offering handsfree kits for a ridiculous price of £5.00 for pic of same go here 28 Nov Sorry folks ....nothin' new to report, been away for awhile and anytime I've been there, I can't remember!!! 'cept Lichie & the burger at 9 o clock in the mornin'.........15 Nov Scourges corner now a mecca for ASTI meetings (with advice from ESB workers ) while Lichie brings his Celtic cousin for a visit, if you ever meet him ask does he know any good doctors in Scotland.........13Nov Lichie returns with a vengeance.  Now clear of antibiotics, suppositories, injections and rejections, the one armed man returns looking for the keys of the van.......... 11 Nov Where's Lichie???...10 Nov Currently on a two week tour of Cobh, the Swing Billies make it to the Donkey and play a rousing set to a full house, even the Bucks listens and Olga sits on the floor...nice one, nice one........... 08 Nov Wednesday night sessions hit new heights as musician attacks non listening member of the audience....no arrests.....08 Nov Hey, if you know any decent musicians, specially fiddle players (or those who think they can play figgle), please tell 'em there's a decent piece of Shetland traditional music next Weds night in Sirius, ALL support greatly appreciated.... 9 Nov Can't even go in there now with an Echo stickin' out your pocket.... 3 Nov  GOVENMENT HEALTH WARNING Due to me terminating my services at my current wage paying position, please be warned that the office farewell party could seriously disrupt your evening, no matter where you are.  Please accept my apologies, in advance.  Your patience is appreciated (by someone) ..........2 Nov A hoarse Freddie still manages a tasty gig at Sirius, joins us for a jar afterwards and reminisces with Barry of days long gone... Long w/end Which noted player was heard with his rendition of 'Take me home, Country road' in the passenger seat of the Lupo????26 Oct Don't forget about Freddie White next week in Sirius.  You have been warned..............25 Oct Jeez 'tis bad enough when you can't find it after 6/8 pints, but then you have to encounter a blinding blue loo (dazzling handiwork Micka, pity 'bout the fingerprints!!!!) 20 Oct Beside the point....free music available on Sunday night, 8pm, orchestra, swing band, choir, rock band at Cobh Community College.....beats Glenroe anyday......19 Oct Bucks...you obviously tried google dot com...welcome to the donkey site.15 Oct DONKEY ALERT Wankers on parade...yes folks...it's that time again.they've arranged the overdraft and they're back with a vengance... Munster and all that shit......Nuggie's back.....we'll win this.....guffaw.....gufffffaw...waffe waffle waffle etc. etc see wankers site for more bollox and self flagellation...... 12 Oct Lichie looks reesplendant, reeseplendent, resplendant, ehhhhhh fierce smart in his bank manager's suit............ 11 Oct Usual session sees new group 'Best of Order' take the stage to a lukewarm audience........ 6 Oct Another nice little night of laid back songs with Vicki, Dec et al in front of an appreciative audience incluing John Spillane, who had earlier played a blinder with Declan Sinnott at Sirius, and Sean Devlin, who didn't......... 5 Oct Great session with the Bars, Smond and guests pleasing the masses, sandwiches an' all 30 Sep Sonia takes sixth and a new Irish record, a full 32 seconds inside her personal best, what a run! 28 Sept For youse not in the know the new wankers site is here....27 Sept Usual Wednesday session sees Paul & Denis accompanying new member, Mr. Philip Donnelly, on his renditions of Speed of Lonlieness, Troubled Times and Donovan's Colours. Best of order afforded to the appreciative Mr. Donnelly.  Meanwhile The Net sips on her red wine..... 25 Sept NICE ONE SONIA, WELL DONE........22 Sept Sorry folks, no Donkey updates this weekend, we're watching Sonia..........21 Sept Whassup?....20 Sep Shaky Moronovich eventually goes off the drink.  Last seen drinking Coke and muttering away to himself (so what else is new).... 19 Sep Three and a half sheets decides that he was too sick this morning to go off the drink, he'll go off it tomorrow instead..... 18 Sep Four sheets decides to give up drink tomorrow 17 Sep Mr. & Mrs. Donkey seen downtown Cobh celebrating the 1st birthday at Pillars. Jeez, this is getting like the newsletter, the next thing you know is I'll have ads for lost watches, phones, cats and dogs...... 15 Sep Congratulations to Barry Mahony who had honorary somethigorother bestowed on him tonight in The Rob.  Well deserved. 13 Sept.  All data lost 11 Sep Just for pigiron, I put a counter on the page about 4 weeks ago. To my utmost surprise, the page is getting over 100 hits a week, jeez ye're pathetic people......9 Sept Seeing that the Olympics are around the corner take a visit to Sonia O Sullivan's site here 8 Sept Bhi na rugbaí bhancers go léir ag féachaint ar an cluiche idir Mumhain & Laighean ar TG4.  Tá siad ábalta tarbhshite as Gaeilge anois.  Aug 29 Been away too long!! Came back to find Tuesday like a Friday with every scourge on holidays......Aug 22 don't ask.......Aug 16 Usual Wednesday talking session, which includes some tunes and songs and the new late night singing workshops. The singing fish takes centre stage....
11Aug00.jpg (35013 bytes) Aug 10/11 Nice little laid back session with Dec, Vicki, Paul, Jamie, Barry, Karl and Sam.  The shameless, effortless voice of Vicky,again, just makes the hairs on your back stand up.

Aug 9 JJ returns and joins Richie and the Bars for a folk session August 6 As we await the return of Mr. & Mrs. Kweelers, a few gentle hints on how to be a good wife; (i) have dinner ready. Plan ahead, over the night before, to have a delicious meal on time.  (ii) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make up and put a ribbon in your hair. (iii) Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up schoolbooks, fag butts, shoes, papers etc. (iv) Minimize all noise.  At the time of arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, Jerry Springer etc.  Be happy to see him and greet him with a warm smile. (v) Make the evening his.  Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other pleasure entertainment.  Instead try to understand his world of pressure, his need to unwind and relax.  Have a cool drink ready for him.  Arrange his pillow and take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice.  Allow him to relax and unwind.  And finally (vi) never complain if he is late for dinner, count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through the day. August 3 Demand for the Kalamazoo CD outstrips supply as all discs are sold.  There is no truth in the rumour that one member of the group has bought them all. July 31 Patrick can be heard this Friday as a guest on the same show July 28 Got a note from North Carolina and Patrick Crouch, Kay Crouch, and Ron Shuffler who will be broadcasting over the WWW on September 2, full details from http://www.mountainhomemusic.com Y'all hear me now.  July 27 Another wedding on the way, this time in Belgium, nice one Stretch & Nadine. Enjoy yourselves, if we manage to find the name of the hotel, or their eMail, we'll bombard it with good wishes.  July 26 The usual session on a Wednesday night with two exceptions... Both exceptions are Belgian tourists who TWENTY-THREE years ago picked up an Irish tourist (nice one Skall), took his name & address and return to haunt him.  We realise two of the Donkey stalwarts are getting married in Belgium this weekend, but for f**k sakes DO NOT GO HITCH HIKING as this may return to haunt you nearly a quarter of a century later...........July 25 New method of 'clearing the bar' employed by our host as others prepare for Stretch & Nadine’s weeding (sic) in Belgium July 24 Well known Cobh publican makes a visit to Micka seeking payment for bar extensions.  Sure he has them for years without havin' to pay for it July 21 Aftermath in the Donkey.  Skall has to collect missus in Cork after work, doesn't happen, goes to Peig's instead (in the company of JC, who hits the deck three times AND pukes thro' his nostrils [allegedly], nice one JC).  Will the suits be returned, has Mully stayed for the second wedding, will the 'pipe' change his shirt, will Olga recover, did Bernard score, did Sinead score? For all the answers, stay tuned..........July 20 What a wedding, a brilliant day.

July 20 Mass exodus from the Donkey to Garryvoe Hotel via the Donkey, the Thatch in Ladysbridge and whatever other hostelry we meet on the way.  The Donkey web page wish Kweelers & the Clare Woman all the very best for the future and hope they'll be happy as pigs in s**t.  Stay tuned and, hopefully, we'll have pics of the happy day, afternoon, evening and action shots from the consummation........  July 15 with only 5 days to go to before we invade Garryvoe for the wedding, some serious warm ups are taking place, chicken parties, hen nights, stag outings, Broc blowing the bar (!) July 12 Bar is packed for the usual Wednesday night session, it sees the return of J.J. Frale (sic) complete with case for the new banjo July 7 The usual Friday Top o'the hill tour stretches to Cobh and takes in the likes of Maguires, Ryans and the goldfish bowl, if memory serves me correctly..... July 6 Our local gets a nice mention in Irish Music magazine, alas the writer names it The Braying Donkey, which I suppose is a tad better than The Screaming Ass July 2 ; Pierre la Peche displays an amazing emotional outburst as France win Euro 2000.....  July 1;  Kweelers and Stretch headed east for their joint stag outing.  As yet we have had no news of any arrests.  However the boys would like to thank Michael O Shea for the spin home and Mrs WahWah for the towels!!!.  Meanwhile the hen night went according to plan, food, wine, no nudity....... 3/4/5 June;  Music weekend saw some nice sessions with Jimmy Crowley, the Canniffes, Margaret & Rob, Sean Claffey, Cliff Wedgebury, Mick Moloney and fiddle player Marie O Reilly  give some decent FREE music to the masses.......... Close the door........hey, what about Mrs. Carlos in the red dress?.......No, she didn't fall, despite the rumours......1 June 2000;  Tony the barman gets upset with his new name..........
This weekend in the Donkey.......BBC do a fishy programme....A bit of music on Monday evening to round off the Cobh Maritime Song Festival, hopefully with a special guest or three.........Due to public demand the pic of Spenny is back online (see below)  COMING SOON ...Revealing photo of Olga.........JC goes on the cocktails, again........

Due to the constant whinging, moaning and scourging (from fellow drinkers, scourgers and fellow pains in the hole) on why this page has become the 'Boring Donkey' page I have decided to keep a genuine, sober interest in the day to day running of our illustrious drinking watering hole, the owner, her husband, their customers, friends, family, musicians, Hank & Eagla (specially Eagla)............

 

 

 

That's all